Today, I woke up feeling quite good. I had a good sleep, I did not awake from a nightmare or to a panic attack, and I felt refreshed. It was wonderful to wake up like that: I have only had a few days like that since June.
A friend has been talking with me about what he is calling a fundraiser. That is part of the reason for making the FAQ section. If you have a suggestion for the FAQ, please tell me. The fundraiser idea has not progressed as quickly as we had planned; if more people get involved, I think it could help.
My anxiety has prevented me from following up on the Reddit idea. I am very frustrated. I hate that an involuntary emotional response can prevent me doing a task that I very much want to do.
Someone deleted Justine’s blog and most of her videos. I do not know if it was her because she does not reply to my emails and has not told me why she does not reply. It is stressful.
In the last couple of weeks, I have had an unusual amount of responses to posts. The few negative responses have been generally stressful (a couple were silly, so they were entertaining). The positive responses, including the simple act of clicking “Like” on Facebook or +1 on Google, have been good for me though. I have been physically isolated from my friends for well over a year now, and the virtual isolation is deepening. Any little act of support is important to me. Clicking “Like” is good, commenting (especially in Facebook) is better, and sharing my pages with other people so that more people can get involved is the best.
For a long time, my life has been merely a series of crises. The current crisis is my medicine. I have half a dose of venlafaxine left: I will take it later today and unless I can afford to buy some more, I will start experiencing serotonin withdrawal syndrome tomorrow. I have one dose of diazepam left. A couple of times, I used a half-dose to lower my anxiety enough to eat. I have been out of most other medicine for weeks.
I still spend 100% of my time in one of these states: working on fixing my life, using a coping technique to manage one or more of my symptoms, non-functional because of one or more of my symptoms, or a basic function like sleeping or eating. I have not given up, but I am weaker every day. Five years is a long time.
