Despair and hopelessness are the same feeling. It causes me to doubt myself with questions such as, “Why try?” and, “What’s the point?” Struggling against those feelings so I can do things is ever-present.
To overcome the feelings, I use rationality, “You should try to ask for help because people have promised to help you.”
But now my rational mind examines the evidence and says, “A few people will help, but you are fucked.”
I wish I believed in karma. I wish I believed a god will judge people after they die. I wish I believed in a just world. Then I might have some solace: the bad actions of other people will return to them. Those people who saw death but did nothing (jian si bu jiu) will be judged harshly.
Know this: good things do not happen to good people—good things happen to powerful people.
