My vulnerabilities
- Foreigner: US citizen in Mexico
- Homeless
- Sick: the correct diagnosis is dysfunctional (hypo-active) 5-HT2A receptors, which presents with some symptoms of depression, some symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder, and some symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
- Desperately poor
- Asking for help
- Speak intermediate Spanish
- No friends or family in Mexico
- No help from family
- Harm and abuse from family
The events
I am tring to earn money
I offer English lessons
I made and displayed the sign above on 21 October 2018. I used the sign for three days. In Mexico, mobile phone services do not charge internet access fees if the person is accessing WhatsApp, a popular messaging application. To send a message to someone, you need their telephone number. Many people were interested in my service and kept asking for my WhatsApp number, therefore, I wrote it on the sign. Any person could record my number or take a photo of the sign.
I’m desperate, so I offer to trade for things I need
My feet are cold, and my illness is strongly interfering with my life. The rain soaks me and some of my equipment in a place I should have been protected from the rain. A man stalks me. I’m desperate, so I try a different method. I offer to trade (“Cambio”) my skills for things that I need. I list some of my skills, and I list some things I need.
I list the things I most need at the top. (In the picture above, I put a red mark next to the three things I needed most.) I need to trim my beard, bathe, and do laundry. Because I am homeless and always have a large backpack with me, how I look and how I smell have a large impact on how people treat me, so yes, those three things were the most important on that day.
Again, people are interested. And I write my WhatsApp number on the sign. Some people simply helped me with the things I needed.
I receive WhatsApp messages from a stranger
24 October 2018
8:38 PM – Name Missing: Hola
8:38 PM – Name Missing: Hablas español? O sólo inglés ?
9:11 PM – Cazador: With online translators, my Spanish is much improved, especially when the person writing to me uses strict grammar, diacritics, and punctuation.
Otherwise, when I speak Spanish, I sound like a three-year-old boy who cannot conjugate properly or use articles properly.
9:11 PM – Cazador: Con los traductores en línea, mi español ha mejorado mucho, especialmente cuando la persona que me escribe usa gramática estricta, signos diacríticos y puntuación.
De lo contrario, cuando hablo español, sueno como un niño de tres años que no puede conjugar correctamente o usar artículos correctamente.
9:28 PM – Name Missing: Entiendo
9:28 PM – Name Missing: This message was deleted
9:29 PM – Name Missing: ¿Qué
10:02 PM – Cazador: Voy a inventar mi medicamento, entonces puedo darte una lista. Además, no puedo decirle de tu perfil que eres.
10:13 PM – Name Missing: I don’t understand
10:13 PM – Name Missing: Can you reply in
10:29 PM – Cazador: Las letras clasifican los artículos de la mayor prioridad a más baja.
10:32 PM – Cazador: I needed to inventory my medicines, so I could tell you which ones I needed. And I can’t tell from your profile who you are and WhatsApp does not send your name to me.
10:43 PM – Name Missing: My name is Jesús
10:43 PM – Name Missing: Can you see my profile photo?
10:45 PM – Name Missing: Can you send a photo of you?
10:48 PM – Name Missing: Do you smoke?
10:48 PM – Name Missing: Weed or
10:50 PM – Name Missing: I can help you with some things
11:12 PM – Cazador: “Name Missing: Can you see my profile photo?”
Yes, but it’s only a silhouette of you.
11:17 PM – Cazador: “Name Missing: Can you send a photo of you?”
11:21 PM – Cazador: “Name Missing: Do you smoke?”
No
11:24 PM – Cazador: “Name Missing: Weed or
Weed might help cure one of my medical problems. But [if I am around] the smoke[, it] gives me a terrible headache. I’ve never eaten it, so I don’t know what side effects I would get from eating it. [ ]
11:24 PM – Cazador: “Name Missing: I can help you with some things”
Thank you!
11:33 PM – Jesús: Where are you?
11:38 PM – Cazador: I live [here]. I’m still confused: have we met?
11:39 PM – Jesús: Sure
11:39 PM – Jesús: Can you come
11:42 PM – Jesús: I’m
11:44 PM – Jesús: I took your ad number
11:57 PM – Jesús: Are you
I don’t know who he is
At the time, I didn’t know why he wanted me to send him a picture of me because if he saw my sign, he must have seen me. I’m homeless, I’m destitute, I haven’t made money, I don’t have enough support, and I’m desperate. I couldn’t waste time quibbling about a photo, so I took a selfie and sent it to him.
He changed his profile picture from the silhouette to the photo below. (I don’t have access to his first profile picture.)
When he told me his name, I created a Contact entry and stored his name and phone number. I looked at his new profile picture and I tried to think of everyone I had talked to about English lessons. In the Notes section of his contact entry, I wrote, “October 24th. He saw my sign advertising English lessons. I still have no idea who he is.”
I try to learn more about him
25 October 2018
7:33 PM – Cazador: Hi. Homelessness makes life less stable. Hence, the delay.
7:34 PM – Cazador: “Jesús: I took your ad number”
Ah, I see. That’s cool, actually.
7:39 PM – Cazador: “Jesús: I’m live with my couple”
I don’t understand the word “couple” in this sentence. If I understand Spanish well enough, some people call their boyfriend, girlfriend husband wife
7:40 PM – Cazador: “Jesús: Can you come here ?”
Possibly. Where is it?
8:33 PM – Jesús: “Cazador: Possibly. Where is it?”
The name street is “[Fuck you, Dan Hogan Blvd.] #506″ you can say that to the taxi
8:33 PM – Jesús: When you can come ?
8:59 PM – Cazador: “Jesús: The name street is “[Fuck you, Dan Hogan Blvd.] #506″ you can say that to the taxi”
No taxi, but Google maps should work.
I’m confused and wary
I transposed two letters: the correct spelling is “pareja.” In Mexican Spanish, this is an anomalous word because the same word is used to refer to a man or a woman.
26 October 2018
12:18 AM – Jesús: Do you have
1:10 AM – Cazador: Hahahahaha 😂
1:10 AM – Cazador: You saw everything I own.
1:22 AM – Jesús: No no
1:22 AM – Jesús: I say that because you say you can use Google maps
1:31 AM – Cazador: Oh, OK. Google Maps includes walking directions.
He tries to be more casual and friendly
3:19 PM – Jesús: Oh, I understand
3:19 PM – Jesús: I think is a little far to walk
3:20 PM – Jesús: What’s your
3:32 PM – Cazador: “Jesús: What’s your name ?”
Cazador
3:34 PM – Cazador: [A link to Google Maps showing the address he gave me.]
3:34 PM – Cazador: There?
5:02 PM – Jesús: “Cazador: Cazador”
It’s a
5:03 PM – Jesús: Yes, there is
5:19 PM – Cazador: “Jesús: It’s a nick name ?”
My Spanish name
5:53 PM – Jesús: Can I know your real
6:02 PM – Cazador: Cazador is a more real name than any other name. I know it is strange and it may be difficult to understand. My life is strange and difficult to understand.
My name is Cazador.
6:17 PM – Jesús: Yes it is haha
6:17 PM – Jesús: It’s ok
6:18 PM – Jesús: Maybe I can call you “Caz”
He arrives without warning
Before I could respond to the last three messages, he is standing in front of me with a big smile that means, “Surprise!” I’m homeless, so I am sitting in a public place and I don’t have privacy, however, he intentionally arrived without telling me he was coming here. He was wearing a uniform from a nearby restaurant where he works. His spoken English is horrible. The conclusion: I would travel with him in a taxi after he got off work. At his house, I could use his electric clippers on my beard, bathe, and do laundry. His shift might end at 8 pm or 10 pm.
He continues the poor communication
7:58 PM – Cazador: 8 or 10 p.m.?
8:08 PM – Cazador: Do you drive, take a taxi, or take the bus when you go home?
8:37 PM – Cazador: Can I use the bathroom at your workplace?
8:41 PM – Jesús: Are you there at
8:44 PM – Cazador: At this moment, I am sitting in the Alcove. I need to use a bathroom. I believed that you were working until 10 p.m. tonight. I believed that at 10 p.m. tonight, we were going to travel together to your house.
9:36 PM – Jesús: Yes
9:37 PM – Jesús:
9:37 PM – Jesús: I can’t use the bathroom here
9:37 PM – Jesús: Sorry
9:55 PM – Cazador: Okay, I’m in a slightly different place it’s just one block north. And I will wait for you here.
His offers to help were overly “optimistic”
He arrived with his boyfriend: surprise! We get a taxi. I might not be able to do laundry because someone else has a lot of laundry. We arrive. I immediately ask about timetables, especially what time we are leaving the morning. 10 am.
I use the electric clippers: excellent. To bathe, they heat a bucket of water, have a bucket of cold water, and a cup. I wash my face and upper torso: an improvement. Laundry was never a possibility. They bought some food and we ate: that was very good. They offered to let me sleep in the bed with them. I declined and set up my sleeping equipment in the other room as far as possible from them.
Jesús then told me that in the morning, he and Alan were going to run errands at 8 am then go to work. He told me that I did not need to get up early. He would give me money for the taxi so I could go back to where I was. He said he wanted me to have a relaxing morning. That is great. He gave me deodorant, which I hadn’t asked for but I happened to be very low: great. He gave me some crappy vitamin B: still useful.
This is not what I wanted
I slept very well because I did not have to be vigilant against thieves, rain, police, harassment, or anything: wonderful. Around 8 am, I wake up because Jesús has his hand on the outside of my pants rubbing my penis. Before I am even fully awake, I push his hand away. He smiles sweetly and says in a gentle voice, “We must go soon.”
It was shortly after 8 am, so I expected Jesús and Alan to leave imminently. I took my morning set of medicines. They would leave soon. I would rest, pack, and leave. I was upset about him groping me when I was asleep, but when a person is homeless, they will eventually be sexually assaulted. A few years ago, a man came into my campsite, walked up to me, pulled out his penis, and moved closer to me. I had a camping knife and I scared him away. (All of my knives and multitools have been stolen or lost.) About two years ago, I was very sick (probably food poisoning) and while I slept a man rubbed my penis, over my clothes, similar to what Jesús did to me. I also chased off that man with my camping knife. I’m homeless, therefore, I will be robbed, attacked, and sexually assaulted.
I didn’t wake up fully, and I fell asleep again before they left. I was in a deep sleep again, and Jesús assaulted me again. Before I could fully wake up, I grabbed his wrist, threw it away from me, and forcefully said, “Stop!” I was not going back to sleep before they left.
Now that I was awake and not going back to sleep, I learn that Jesús had lied about the errands. He had also lied about me leaving after they left. I hurriedly packed in a crappy way. They hailed a taxi, gave me money, and I left. They didn’t even intend to go to work at 10 am as they had previously said.
To you, I am garbage
I used to prosecute sexual offenders. I used to help victims get restraining orders against their perpetrators. The “he said/she said” myth that many people and police believe: I personally discussed it with most of the full-time officers in my jurisdiction, and I changed their minds. They were more serious and diligent with sexual violence cases because of my actions. I had extra training for sexual violence cases.
One attempted sexual assault and two successful sexual assaults. But, why would you care? You expend more effort dealing with your garbage and recycling than you expend trying to support my recovery. You spend more money on garbage and sewage services than you spend helping to protect me. Our society doesn’t have a sexual violence problem: we have a “Why would I fucking care?” problem.
Through your apathy or refusal to be associated with me, you have helped transform me from a protector and preventer of sexual violence into just another sexual assault victim.
If I am wrong, then support my recovery with monthly assistance so I can again use my skills to reduce sexual violence.
