On May 24, 2014, I posted a TED video about depression and some of my thoughts about it. It is a great video, and I highly recommend it. A few days later, my computer broke and I lost access to my encryption keys.
Withing hours of my computer breaking, Justine sent me an email, and because I have asked people to use encryption, she encrypted–with the keys I had lost the ability to access. I was not able to read her email until a few days ago.
She watched the video about depression and has some impressive insights. I am glad she sent me her thoughts because she figured out some things that I had not figured out. I did not really understand how uncomfortable many people become when they read about and talk about depression, and I certainly did not understand why.
She is right that I do want to end the stigma associated with mental illness, but that is not why I am writing about it. I am writing about it because it is a major part of my life right now. I originally started writing about my life for many reasons, especially because I wanted my experience to benefit other people. I continue to write, in part, because I am not going to conquer my depression without a lot of help.
Justine’s email:
I had a few minutes to watch one of the Ted videos on your website. I was only going to watch the first few minutes of the depression video, but after I started to watch and listen I couldn’t stop watching it.
When he talked about the differences between middle class people with depression and the poor people with depression I thought of you. I also thought of myself. I know that it would have been easier for you to see your depression when you were in a better place in life. When you had a job, when you had a car, and a home. However, you do not have those things. So I imagine that it must have been extremely difficult for you to see that you suffer from depression, when it would have been very easy to think that the way you feel is only because of your circumstances. I think that is terrific! I am very impressed.
I am very impressed because I couldn’t see it until after I watched your video. Up until now I have been assuming that my depression, drinking, and drug use was due to our relationship and our break up. I found myself trying to set unrealistic goals: “Oh if I have this job, or have this house, or drive this car, Hunter and I will get along, and things will work out. I will be with him and we will be happy.” I was blaming my depression on all of those things. But now I REALLY understand that it is not those things. I am sad that about those things, they likely are the trigger’s of my depression, but ultimately, not the cause.
He talks about how talking about depression makes people uncomfortable. Look at the married couple he talked about. They were taking the same medications for the same kind of depression but they would not admit to the other that they suffered from depression. I think that is the reason why people become uncomfortable with a lot of what you write. It makes them uncomfortable. However, knowing and understanding this makes me proud of you. Depression and other mental disorders NEED to be talked about. You are pushing for change. You are changing the fact that people don’t want to talk about it. You have the nerve to say “Hey, I suffer from this, that, and the other.”
Anyway. Just wanted to say that.
