Wedding, dog, and certainty

  1. My sister lives in Houston, Texas and Hurricane Harvey did not damage her.
  2. Melanie is getting married for the first time (and last time?) on Saturday 23 September 2017.
    1. I’m sure it’s a coincidence that Hurricane Harvey and possibly Hurricane Irma are destroying Houston before her wedding.
    2. If you know my sister and want to send her an email but don’t have her contact information, I created a temporary email address: [email protected].
  3. Medicines
    1. Modafinil, one-half day, extremely important medicine to me, MXN$1450 for 28 days
    2. L-Tyrosine amino acid, 23 days, but I’ve not been able to find it for sale in Mexico
    3. Alprazolam, three pills, relatively expensive
    4. Lorantidine, two pills, cheap
    5. Ibuprofen, one pill, cheapish
    6. But, overall, I need a little more than US$5 per day for medicines. As has been proved many times, without my key medicines, I don’t eat or get out of bed. Running out of all of my medicines is certain death. More accurately, I would die before I ran out of all of the medicines because not having two or three of the key medicines would allow my symptoms to overwhelm me.
  4. Approximately one week ago, a stray dog in this little town adopted me. He creates new issues for me, such as allergies, fleas, and chewing on everything, but he is naturally an incredibly sweet, well-mannered, “obedient” dog. He’s never had an owner, and before me, the only people who touched him were hitting him, so at first, he would flinch when I pet him. But now, he never flinches and he loves to cuddle and play go wherever I am going. Overall, he is a net positive for me. But, his effect on my life is not large enough to categorically change my situation.
  5. After writing or speaking hundreds of thousands of words, I have learned an important lesson.
    1. “Don’t explain; they don’t understand.”
    2. But I’m still writing this post. Well, maybe I haven’t learned the lesson.
  6. Cash MXN$450
  7. PayPal US$27.31
  8. In early 2016, I had a fantastic medicine. It worked better than my current medicines and replaced many of them. I never named it in public. It was MDMA. It’s illegal, so after I left Guatemala, I couldn’t find another place to buy it. Your War on Drugs to support Big Pharma kills people and causes unnecessary pain. I never felt euphoric or high: I only felt normal instead of feeling despair. If I found a seller, I don’t have enough money. If I had MDMA right now, I am not sure if it would be powerful enough for my current level of symptoms.
  9. Two weeks ago, I stayed with someone for three days. She was very nice. She gave me hugs. We cuddled once. She didn’t tell me, “All you need to do to get better is…” My symptoms were reduced greatly. In those three days, I accomplished approximately the same than in the prior 12 to 14 days and I wasn’t experiencing constant pain, only intermittent pain. It wasn’t sexual or romantic. “I’m so lonely I could die,” is not merely a metaphor. Her roommate met me on the first day and was gone for two days. When he returned, he freaked out. I had to leave at 3 am.
  10. Uncertainty is a major aspect of my stress. “Don’t explain; they don’t understand.” But, here are some links anyway.
    1. “To be, or not to be”: he speaks of three paths, not two
    2. The adventure begins: Veracruz
    3. 2016 started with great hope; 2017 starts with a deathwatch
    4. Alea iacta est
    5. Journal entry: In search of certainty
  11. My current lifestyle is The Lifestyle of Pain. I’ve had enough of it. If I could be certain that it would end, then it would be significantly easier to handle. But it could be indefinite. In the very near future, I will add certainty to the end of the Lifestyle of Pain.
  12. I strongly doubt I will remain connected to my past.
  13. I am working on some research. When I finish it, I expect to go higher into the mountains.
  14. In addition to the thousands of ideas I have already created (and my many accomplishments), I recently outlined an improvement for the email system that would radically change the internet.
    1. It’s backwards compatible and has the ability to
      1. verify the identity of any relevant entity,
      2. anonymize (or shield the identity of) entities except when absolutely necessary,
      3. encrypt data,
      4. require encryption of data and/or other security features,
      5. virtually eliminate unsolicited emails from the entire system, and
      6. protect against mass surveillance, many kinds of individual surveillance, and many forms of hacking.
    2. All of the kinds of necessary infrastructure already exist. The challenges would be designing the various protocols and scaling up some kinds of servers. Most clients are web-based or apps with automatic update, so changing those would be relatively trivial.
  15. Is my above idea valuable? Are any of my ideas valuable? Are any of the things I could do for society valuable? Yes, IFF I am valuable enough to save from death. I’ve changed my mind about an earlier goal. I’m not putting effort into making it easy for other people to read my ideas if I die.
  16. I probably left out some details I meant to include. This probably has typos. I almost certainly could be more clear in many places.  I don’t care enough to proofread, however, because “Don’t explain; they don’t understand.” I’m not even sure why I wrote this post.
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