Yesterday, I was successfail again.
One of my goals was to reread a link my friend, Josh, sent to me. Dr. Barry Greenwald at the University of Illinois, Chicago, wrote a synopsis of Trauma and Recovery by Judith Lewis Herman, M.D. (Basic Books, 1992). Rereading the above 15-page document was part of my larger goal of improving my mental health.
I was successfail. I was successful in that I read and made notes on the first three-and-one-half pages. I failed in that after reading and making notes on those few pages, I was so emotionally overwhelmed that I went to sleep, did not accomplish anything else, and slept until about 7:30 am this morning.
It was a success in that it confirmed my need for professional help. The best surgeon does not perform surgery on herself: she needs professional help from others. Even if I were the most self-aware person on the planet, I would still need some professional help to understand and recover from the various emotional and physical traumatic events that have happened in the last five years.
Nevertheless, I still have the paradox/problem/catch-22 poverty preventing recovery and non-recovery keeping me impoverished. I am unsure exactly what to do.
