I know that in the past I have written and/or talked about that because most of the events in my current life are new, and unusual, it makes things more difficult for me. Right now, I am confused about what to do, especially because I cannot imagine a plan that will be successful.
Bah! Another theme is how frustrated I am. I define frustration as expending energy and getting no result or very little result. Even trying to write this and post it to my website is frustrating because my computer was never completely repaired, my internet connection is intermittent, and because my website is free and it needs some configuration changes to make it faster. I feel that nearly everything I do is like swimming through mud.
I do not think I feel much better but I do not think I feel much worse: somethings have improved but other things are scary. I wanted to write more, but I am feeling frustrated and annoyed, so I guess that spares you some grief.
Tomorrow, I think I can get some more benzodiazepines. I ran out five days ago, so the last many days have been tough. I believe that if the benzo helps me sleep and lower my anxiety, then the effects will be especially good. I need more modafinil. And, tomorrow, I need to pay for more lodging. I have not done the math, mostly because I know that the result will almost certainly be that I am back to zero dollars. Frustrating. I will also run out of Vitamin B complex in a few days. I know that it helps me, so I want to get some more.
I have done a lot more research, and I believe that I should try DHEA. There are a few reasons, but the main reason is that DHEA causes cortisol, a stress hormone, to lower. I believe that if I can lower my cortisol, I can reduce my anxiety and panic attacks.
If you have bitcoin, PayPal, and a way to get cash from bitcoin to PayPal, please let me know. I have about $15 in BTC that I want to liquidate.
