Within the last month, as my suicidal thoughts increased, I realized that one of the major things that kept me from killing myself is that I have a ton of ideas that I want to research. I am running out of money and time, and the pain is too much, so one way or another, it is nearly certain that I will not be able to explore the many ideas I have in my notebook.
Therefore, I started sharing my ideas even though they are unfinished. There is a small chance that someone will see my ideas and decide that investing in my recovery is a good idea. Honestly, however, I doubt that will happen.
I still have thousands of pages of documents that I have not shared. What kind of information would cause you to help me recover? Some ideas:
- Details of the illegal actions by various people in the Illinois government
- Laundry lists of all of the things I have tried to do so that I could build my life again
- Details of indignities and mistreatments I have encountered; some topics:
- What happened in the UK
- My family
- Justine’s family
- Scott Brinkmeier and a few other officials in Carroll County (it is only a few, most of the people there are very good people)
- Funny stories and jokes
- My ideas and topics I want to research
- More details about living with mental illness
- What I want to do with my life if I heal (this overlaps with my ideas, above)
- Random thoughts and observations about life (e.g., “Rules for successful living“
If there is a way to recover, then I want to find it. If concentrating on a particular topic would improve things for me, then I will try it. Speculation about what might cause other people to help is useless: if you are not willing to help, then your opinion is unwanted. If you are willing to help, then prove it.
Tell me immediately because Monday 10 November 2014 is a very important day: I will run out of lodging, many medicines, and most money by then. The attacking email I received today was extremely painful and reinforced that I cannot handle this life much longer.