I am completely exhausted because of lack of sleep, and because of my exhaustion, I cannot accurately remember when I last slept. Symptoms of serotonin withdrawal syndrome: either the vertigo is less severe or I have acclimated to it, the brain zaps are regular but around 15 times per minute instead of multiple times per second, the crying is better but that might be because of how tired I am and because I have cried so much, I think the ringing in my ears has decreased a little and that I have acclimated to it, and the body aches have reduced.
I am so tired. I wish I could sleep. Since I cannot sleep, I have tried to be productive, but because I am so tired, I make trivial errors and typos, so my productivity is negligible. I just want to sleep. I have one-half dose of diazepam left, so I want to save it, especially because I am not confident it will help me sleep. I mean, it is ironic that I prefer the diazepam to the alprazolam because the diazepam rarely puts me to sleep but the alprazolam can easily put me to sleep. I’m so tired.
I think the venlafaxine was helping reduce my panic disorder symptoms because for the last couple of days, I have had many panic attacks. For about 10 hours, I basically had non-stop attacks. My heart rate was at least 150 bpm the entire time, and every noise and every light was overwhelming. A panic attack is when a person has the “fight or flight” response when there is nothing happening that requires a fight or flight. Ten continuous hours of my body ready to fight or to flee was torturous: no amount of rationalization helped and all of my coping mechanisms failed until I took a two-hour long shower.
I love how the “think positive” crowd has finally shut up. Of course, none of them will admit they were wrong, but at least they shut up. Related to that, I found some emails from 2003. I was vocal about my opposition to the Iraq war, and many of the emails I received in response impolitely told me I was wrong. None of them have admitted they were wrong, either. Some of them have, however, openly criticized the war in the last few years, but none of them apologized for the mean things they wrote–and said–to me or admitted they were wrong in 2003.
C’est la vie: irrational.
