I just finished watching a powerful film, The Railway Man. I highly recommend the film for many reasons, some of which I cannot mention without spoiling the movie.
Eric Lomax suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder, although that phrase is not used in the film, in part because during the 1980s, PTSD was not a well-known term–or well-understood disorder. The trauma that I have experienced cannot be compared to what Lomax suffered, but that does not mean I have not suffered from the actions of other people.
In the film, Lomax wants revenge. I understand how he feels, but I do not have the same feelings. Some people have intentionally hurt me, and some people have done illegal things that have hurt me. I do not want revenge in any way. In fact, while I would welcome so-called justice, I do not expect it and I am not actively seeking it.
Gandhi suggested that we should be the change we want to see in the world and he reminded us that an eye for eye makes the whole world blind. I do not want revenge. “Justice” will not lessen my suffering. More importantly, I do not want to live in the past. Revenge or “justice” would require years of revisiting the illegal, unethical, or immoral actions of about a dozen people: how could I progress, live in the moment, or build a new future while living in the misery of those actions? I now it is not possible because that is the essence of my PTSD and my panic disorder.
Most importantly, while seeking “justice” for the illegal things that were done to me would likely lead to good changes in the law or the enforcement of law, I believe I can achieve much more in other areas of life. I know I can contribute to art, law, government, morality, economics, and more–if I can recover.
If I can recover.
See the movie. If you believe I can contribute to the world, then please help me recover.
