Trying to fix my website, reading some mean-spirited emails, running out of medication, and maybe some other things, have put me over the edge. I wish I were dead. I tried to get through this, but I failed. People keep asking me things like, “Can’t you just get a job doing [X]?” No, I can’t. I’ve explained it so many times that if people don’t understand my disability, then it’s not my fault–it’s their fault.
Talking about mental illness is useless because not enough people give a fuck. Talking about suicide is useless because not enough people really want to do anything. After people kill themselves, the people around them say shit like, “I wish I could have helped.”
https://youtu.be/3x1BTlDBrrc?t=10m18s
That’s bullshit. I have clearly–and repeatedly–explained hundreds of ways that people could help me, and only a handful of people have done anything. The help hasn’t been enough to help me heal–fuck, it hasn’t even been enough to allow me to survive. I am a dead man walking. (Clarification.)
Mizaru, kikazaru, iwazaru
The original meaning of the above proverb is to not dwell on evil thoughts because in Buddhist, Confucian, and some other eastern philosophies, the proper thing is to hear, speak, and see good things–so that you can do good things.
In the Euro-centric world (often incorrectly called the “Western” world), the proverb means people are ignoring problems that they should not ignore. Strangely, both meanings well fit the current situation.
