This is painful to write about because it is painful to think about, which is why I must write about it. I regularly rediscover that when I write about things and send them away, then my mind can let go of the thoughts. I need to let go of this thought because it is too painful. I feel that I have written about this before, but I think I performed a calculation the other night that is new.
My brother is one of the many people who believe that my fundamental problem is that I do not “want it bad enough.” The “it” is whatever task I am trying to accomplish, and if I have enough “motivation” (his word), then I will accomplish the task. If he helps me before I want it enough, then he is “enabling” me. A common example that this cadre latches on to is when I speak about my anxiety that keeps me in mental anguish and physical agony while I try to convince myself to get up and go to the bathroom. The retort is that I did not pee on myself so at some point, I wanted “it” bad enough.
In this world of tough love, the solution to my anxiety is to let me suffer anguish and agony for eight hours so that I can perform a simple, 15-minute task: go to the bathroom. Ignore the question of whether it is appropriate to wish that someone would suffer for eight hours merely so they can go to the bathroom. Instead, look at a practical issue: working. The tough love crowd invariably use the phrase, “get a job flipping burgers.” To the word, all of them have said it.
Fine, let us apply the tough love formula to the idea that I have a job flipping burgers. I will assume all sorts of generous things, such as that I got hired somewhere and the numbers will be very favorable to the tough love cohort. If I need eight hours of anguish and agony to perform a simple, 15-minute task, then I need four days of anguish and agony to work an eight-hour shift flipping burgers. Can I support myself working eight hours during each five day period? No, I cannot.
Even by the tough love gang’s own plan, tough love cannot work, but not one of them have swayed from their belief that I must want “it” bad enough before my life will improve.
In my opinion, however, the above calculation is not the worst aspect of tough “love”. In my brother’s world, I am wrong because I posted true information about him on the internet and the truth hurt his feelings, but tough “love” means he should facilitate allow my suffering anguish and agony so that I want “it” bad enough. I did something that had the side effect of hurting his feelings, but his plan is that I should suffer, repeatedly and often, but my action is wrong and his plan is virtuous and patriotic.
