I am not really sure what to write or how to describe what I am feeling. About six hours ago, I had a long chat with a friend I made through online gaming. Many remarkable things happened during our conversation.
Probably the best thing that happened to me was how he treated me. As far as I know, he has never experienced the severe depression and crippling anxiety that I deal with every day, but he seems to have an amazing capacity for empathy. He was compassionate. He did not pity me or mock me. He did not doubt the emotional struggles I face even though they are often difficult to understand. At the same time, he also never doubted that–with help–I could recover from this. I do have some other friends in my life who treat me this way, notably Waleed and Coz who have been my friends for 25 years, but they are not the only people I am blessed to have in my life.
Second, I am shocked at how many ideas we had in common. I have many ideas for how to climb out of this hole, but all of them require help. He independently came to the same conclusions I have, which helped me feel that I am still grounded in reality. (Although, maybe I am too grounded, right?)
Third, he offered to help me implement these ideas. Not just stop-gap measures to help me survive another week but he offered to help me work towards long-term solutions. If a few more people can help me implement these ideas, I am sure I can get through this.
Finally, he helped me avoid the imminent crisis of having to sleep on the streets. I am going to negotiate with hostels and hotels here for a full month of rent. That will reduce my stress and give me more time to work on other things. (Right now, every few days, I have to spend time searching for the best price for lodging and possibly spend a few hours moving to a new location. Being in one place for a month will save a ton of time.)
Thank you. I do have a headache right now, but it is sort of a good headache. I have a headache because our conversation was intense–but productive–and emotional. Thank you to everyone who has helped me in so many different ways over the last few years. I very much want to be healthy again.
