On 20 December 2014, I sent emails to everyone in old address book. (My main computer is broken, so I had to use a backup copy.) My mom, Lindy Lumbert, received this email, and she was the first person to respond.
As I have written before, many of my problems would be manageable if I had each problem one at a time. It is the combination of problems that is too much for me to handle. Many people have poor relationships with their family, for example, so the fact that my mother is unable and unwilling to help me is not special. Combined with my other problems, however, it is painful and damaging. The email below is not devastating, but it is painful. Furthermore, the email below is typical of how my mother has treated me for the last two years. The problem here is not that she is a monster: the problem is death by a thousand cuts. Each email from her hurts a little, each email from my dad hurts, the lack of support from most of my former friends hurts, the near total silence from my former colleagues hurts, the emails from random strangers criticizing me for going swing dancing for three hours hurts, the betrayal by the legal system I once defended hurts. If you find yourself reading the email below and saying, “That’s not that bad,” or “He should just ignore it,” or “It doesn’t matter what other people think,” then you are missing the point.
Her response is below, and to make it easier to understand what she wrote here are some important notes:
- She says that she did not see me taking responsibility for my part. She certainly did not see the things I have done because she has purposely avoided knowing about what is happening in my life.
- She did not know, for example, that I left Cairo over six months ago.
- Two years ago, she sent me an email saying that she had finally read about some of the events that had been happening to me: two years after they had happened.
- Three years ago, she asked me if I married Justine Coverdill if that would cause the legal problems to stop.
- She does not believe that psychiatric disorders such as depression and anxiety exist, so she often gave me advice about how to fix my problems: and none of her solutions were grounded in science or fact.
- She incorrectly claims that I had financial support for five years.
- Most financial planners tell people to have enough savings for six months of unemployment. I managed to pay all of my bills for more than twice that time: 13 months.
- Then I defaulted on some loans, but I still paid for my own food and rent.
- Then I became homeless. I asked my brother to put some of my things in his garage but he did not even give me an answer so I had to abandon most of my things.
- I lived out of my car or stayed with friends, but no one gave me any money.
- Even when I lived with Justine, she saved money because she stopped spending her money on alcohol and drugs. Plus, I was able to get food stamps and she used that to buy groceries for both of us.
- The first time I accepted money from people was when I left Justine in June 2013 after she started hitting me.
- Over the last 18 months, I have lived off of less than US$10,000. What is incredible to me is that my mother criticizes me for accepting this financial assistance but does not make any mention of the financial assistance she received. My mother got very sick but did not have health insurance. She came within hours of dying but was very lucky that a brilliant neurosurgeon found the cause of her illness and flawlessly performed an operation that only a few dozen surgeons in the world could have accomplished. She was in neurological intensive care for many days, had multiple MRIs and other expensive tests, and world-class medical care. Her case was so extraordinary that she was on the local news. Each day spent in neurological ICU costs thousands of dollars–every day. My mother is not rich and she does not have insurance: she did not pay for the surgery or the hospital stay. She is only alive because other people gave her financial assistance. The total of the assistance must be at least US$150,000, yet she is critical of the fact that I need help from others. I have been unable to reconcile these facts.
My mother’s response
From: Lindy Lumbert
To: Hunter Hogan
Date: 20 Dec 2014 19:22:45 -0800 (PST)
Subject: If you do leave your body, be sure to visit me
[I did not change her formatting or punctuation.]
I feel very sad to lose such a wonderful son. I don’t feel guilty though I honestly feel like I was always the best mom . I know that I care about you but everyone has to take responsibility for their part in every problem. I just find it appalling what happened to you, but at the same time you did have a part in it and I didn’t see you cleaning your part.
It’s obvious that many many people I thought very highly of you I don’t know anyone else who has had financial support for 5 years straight. I certainly hope you are grateful to the universe for that support. I do realize that you wish there had been more support and that everyone would have sent you more money, but very few people have the means to totally support another adult for 5 years.
Most people that do have the names for that don’t believe it’s helping an adult to do that. most think the best thing you can do is to remind someone that they can get over the trauma and drama they just went through and get on with their life.
Of course I hope these pills don’t work. Of course I hope you wake up in the morning. But if not, please know that you are very loved and admired by many even though not by all.
You will of course reincarnate and get to play the game of life all over again . If these are your last few hours awake in this body, please use them to love yourself and forgive yourself.
I want very much for you to have inner peace. And if this is the only way you can get it, I understand .
