I explain to my father, Dan Hogan, what I think love is, why he cannot control my life, and why I did not declare bankruptcy

From:                                         Hunter Hogan [[email protected]]
Sent:                                           Saturday, November 8, 2014 12:06 PM
To:                                               ‘Dan Hogan’
Subject:                                     RE: help?

Even though you have done the same thing for nearly 20 years, it still surprises me that you are nearly incapable of using the skills you teach to your clients.

As for your definition of “love”, it is exceptionally warped and quite sick. It is not love to let someone starve to death while spending money on converting old videos.

This is not a negotiation. You are not in control of my life, and you are not my partner in making decisions. You explicitly disavowed that role, and you lost the privilege of ever having that role through your willful ignorance, your jaw-droppingly poor communication, your arrogance, your astounding lack of introspection, and your intentionally damaging actions.

Your “love” is a sham. My intuition is that the feelings you identify as your “love” for me are really something like shame, guilt, or regret for how you have behaved, that you feel foolish or stupid for not foreseeing events that hurt you, or some other set of strong feelings that you are incorrectly identifying as “love”.

Love is not manipulative. Love is not selfish. Love is not war or winning. Your actions for at least the last three years have not come from love.

It is unlikely I will read any more of your emails in the near future. There is a chance I will not read your emails for a very long time. If you want to help me, you have one option and you have at least two important reasons why you might help me.

Your only option to help me is to send me money via PayPal ([email protected]) so that I can wisely use the money to survive and heal. I have survived since May 2013 on exceptionally little money, which is undeniable proof that despite my significant disabilities, I can still wisely manage my money and direct my life.

Allegedly, you love me. If that is true, and if you discover a way to act from a place of love, then I am confident you will choose to help me.

A second, and more plausible reason, why you may choose to help me is because it is the best way to protect your financial interests. If I die, you still must repay the debts you co-signed. If I never recover enough to earn an income that can be garnished, you must repay everything. If I declare bankruptcy, then my obligation to the lender will be discharged, and more importantly, my liability to you will be discharged. If my liability to you is discharged, then even if I were to become a zillionaire, you would not be able to sue me to collect the money you had to pay as my co-signer.

If you want an example of what love looks like, then you should look at the things I have not done. In 2011, if I were acting purely in my best interest, I would have filed for bankruptcy. The only reason I did not do it is because it would have saddled you with tens of thousands of dollars of debt while freeing me of the legal obligation to repay it. Even though I was suffering greatly and you were not, and even though I was financially ruined and you were wealthy, I did not want to hurt you–so I did not file for bankruptcy. Even now, when it is even more wise for me to file for bankruptcy, I do not seriously entertain the option.

It is clear that you have some painful feelings inside you. I do not know what words you assign to those feelings: maybe you call it emptiness, a void or hole in your heart, anger or rage, righteousness, betrayal, abandonment, longing, or contempt. Whatever label you place on those feelings, my wish for you is that you find the guidance you need to heal those feelings.

سلام (peace), 和谐 (harmony), amor (love), and happiness,

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