I considered walking in front of a car

A car was approaching the intersection, driving dangerously fast, and I thought about what it would feel like if I walked in front of the car. I speculated about the physics and which way the impact would fling my body. I wondered what chance I would have for death.

It was 4:45 PM and I had not eaten since 9:30 AM. I had just come from the store where I tried to buy some food. I didn’t have any cash, and my card was declined. I was hungry and apparently without a way to buy food.

Earlier today, I found a strange growth on my back. I was worried it was cancer. A couple of hours later, I examined other bumps on my back that I thought were bloody zits. I have at least five irregularly-shaped growths on my back. Even if they’re benign, I don’t have the money to treat them.

I’ve been abandoned by my family and by my country, so I’m homeless, hungry, and too poor to get healthcare for any of my problems.

I decided that the chance the car would kill me was low and that it would only increase my suffering.


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